shit my mom buys zine
a collaboration with katrin hagen, a berlin based illustrator.
limited Edition of 100 copies (numbered). hand silkscreened covers; sealed with packing tape.
Introduction from Zine:
My mom has some serious self control issues. Her latest compulsion is home shopping by way of the television set. She just can’t be stopped. I've toyed with the notion of donning a ski mask and clipping through her cable lines in the dark of night.
It's difficult, because she's so excited to bestow upon me the latest miracle serum, etc. I accept all my sundries graciously and thank her, but tell her to save her money. But mostly, I pretty much just like to see that glimmer of happiness in her eye.
I fake it. "OH BOY! I LLLOVE IT! Thanks SO much."
Here’s a smattering of a such few items, as illustrated by the enormously talented Katrin from Mischief Champion.
Argan Oil Kit Her: “Ignore the smell. It’s GREAT for your hair!” Me: Ummm...
Cleaning Cloths: Her: “These are great! You definitely need these. So soft. You can use them for ANYTHING.” Me: “Mom, there’s like a lifetime supply in here. Are you sure you don’t want to split them?” Her: “No, I bought a pack for myself, too.”
Leopard Coat- As I stepped through the door, Mom pounced on me and slung a leopard trench coat around my shoulders, cinched the belt tight and spun me around and around until I saw spots.
Exfoliating Gel: "2 Minute Miracle Exfoliating Gel". Some pink shit that you're supposed to slather on, then rub off, but it's really just the product that's sloughing off, NOT your dead skin cells. I know this because I had the same results after applying some on a shampoo bottle.
Facial Cleansing System: She hands me a small cardboard box. “Here.” I open it to find a battery powered brush and some tubes of goo. “This is great for getting blackheads out of your face, but you can also ask R to use it to scrub your bacne.”
Faux Ponytail: It's surprisingly realistic. At first, I was slightly concerned that some small child in Bangladesh or wherever was scalped for the sake of western vanity. Then one night I was sitting too close to an outdoor heater, I caught a faint whiff of melting Barbie hair, thus my initial fears were extinguished.
Hair Remover: “This is for your legs!” she said, a little too eagerly. Charge up the handheld medieval torture device and watch the rotating metal gears rip your hairs out one by one. The sound it makes is reminiscent of a buzz saw. Thanks, Mom!
Montel Williams Health Master Blender: A Montel Williams Health Master Blender that blew up in smoke after a mere 2 uses. (MONTEL, YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE.)
Lip Serum: Lip enhancing serum, chock full of CAPSAICIN extract. I slathered some on, then followed up with some collagen whatever builder. I now look like Angelina Jolie & a blow up doll's illegitimate love child.
Scorpion Keychain Her: “For my little scorpion.” Me: “Scorpio. Thanks, mom! This is faaaaaaancy and quite sparkly.” Her: “I also got a lizard with a tiger eye body, do you want that one too?”
Shoe Wheel: "She honks her horn in my driveway. I walk down to meet her and find the biggest grin and crazy eyes through the windshield. She pops the trunk and thrusts a big pink plastic wheel at me, “It’s for all of your SHOES!” Thank goodness she clarified, as I was about to use it as an exercise wheel for my chihuahua."
All-Purpose Cleaner: She tosses a large yellow oversized hockey puck at me. Me: What IS this?!? Her: All-purpose cleaner, it cleans everything! You can polish your silverware! Me: I don’t own any silverware. Her: Oh, then clean the floor.